Perhaps a bit shocking…

I really love my husband.

I truly hope that statement is not some big shocker.  If it is then I need to try a heckuva lot harder at making sure the world (but more importantly my husband) KNOWS that statement is very genuine.

Just so we are all clear– I LOVE my husband…

and it is because I love my husband that I can not work with him.

 

There it is…the shocker.  At least to me it was.  In so many ways he and I are compatible and in sync with one another. Running a business together is simply not one of those things.

This is a realization that we both came to in the last week–right as we are on the cusp of making sharp turns on this highway of life that would have been leading us straight into that very scenario.

You see, we had been creating a map of our 5 year plan for the last–oh 5 years now—ever since Jason got his Real Estate license.  That plan of *OURS* from the get go has always looked like us working together, running our own brokerage with a property management emphasis.

I went to school for my own real estate license back at the end of 2009, and stopped short of taking the exams to complete it. I kept telling myself (and everyone else) that it was test anxiety that kept holding me back from completing that task.  All the while I have been maintaining a 4.0 GPA in my associates degree classes and no one (even myself) called that bluff.  Yes test anxiety and my officially diagnosed math disability were “factors” but it wasn’t until very recently that I was truly honest with myself about the real reason I kept avoiding it. I was actually afraid of doing well (not poorly)…and if I did well, that would mean I would have my license and therefore I would be a Real Estate Agent. Thing is- I never actually asked myself if I even wanted to be a Real Estate agent.  Until last week, and when I did the answer was no.

And that is ok.

Best part about it being ok- is that I actually do BELIEVE that. And lucky for me so does my amazing husband.

So, all of that to say– I am STAYING IN SCHOOL!  I am not going to settle for a liberal arts associates degree just to finish “something” that I don’t really care about–so I can jump into another something that I don’t even really want to be doing.

When I was 18 years old I knew I wanted to get my college degree.  Choices in my life led me away from that dream for awhile but I can honestly say that at 33, that dream is still very much alive.  I may have some serious hurdles to jump when it comes to talking myself into the student loans that are inevitable to pile up when I transfer to a University, but as Cinderella sang, “a dream is a wish your heart makes” and being a college graduate is my dream. It always has been, I just lost sight of it and forgot about it for awhile.

That dream is being taken off the shelf, dusted off of all of the doubt and regret that has caked on top of it and it is going to be made a reality.

I saw this on Pinterest last night and it made me so very grateful that I married a man who is my biggest Champion.

Source: Pinterest http://pinterest.com/pin/126311964519133887/

 

* A side note to all my friends– this means we will not be moving this summer after all.  That news is both relieving and disappointing all at the same time.  Polytech family housing is not the most desirable living situation and after 2.5 years here we were starting to really like the idea of something new. But it is in our budget (you know that thing that we moved here in the first place because of?)  I have a peace about all of this, and feel like THIS is where God wants us for now.  He was letting us entertain our own ideas for a little bit, He even let us think that we had a choice in all of this. *LOL*

Letting go means letting go of the illusion that we were ever really in control in the first place.
–on Air 1 today. 89.9FM. (and posted by a friend on facebook this afternoon)

When I finally threw myself down at His feet and pleaded for Him to GUIDE US–He did so in one of the only ways that either Jason and I will actually listen –through a few divine eye opening martial spats.  Funny how that is not exactly how *I* would have wanted Him to speak to me.  But it worked- through a series of martial tiffs, over the last few days, Jas and I have been more open and honest with one another then we have been in a long time.

I have to admit I am a bit scared- I got married and became a mom pretty young (21 years old) so my “roles” have pretty much been laid out for me since then. I have not yet figured out who I am apart from being a wife, mother, friend and Christian-but I think it’s going to be fun learning.

 

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2 thoughts on “Perhaps a bit shocking…

  1. Pingback: Freefalling |

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